I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
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