i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
