I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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