my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i dont even know how to be here
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
