Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Still dying that you shit outside
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
