Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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