If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
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