$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
