"it" just moved
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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