I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
