70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
