and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This is classic penis vs brain.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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