Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Panties = found
Randomize
