WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the day after is always just damage control
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
