Just cropdusted the office
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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