smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
