Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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