Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
