I'm really into asian looking animals
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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