if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
someone owes me an orgasm
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
