I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
