I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I seem to have left my pride at pride
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
