this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
