this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
