i already hear my dad disowning me
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
