At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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