he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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