This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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