im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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