i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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