I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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