So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
