would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
