Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
