what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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