Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
