tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
