We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
