Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
honey bunches of taint.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If I die, sorry about rent.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
