how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
