Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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