Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
