You don't have asthma, your pregnant
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
