Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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