i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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