if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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