plz talk dirty to me
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
They took my balls.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
