I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
