rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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