im about as happy as oj after his trial
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
